[rachesse]manifested with words and lies you speak

[Rachel M. Meyerson]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, height: 30px; background-color: #B28260; width: 425px; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #F2F2F2; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: center, bTable]yeah, you got me begging, begging baby please don't go

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #F2F2F2; width: 427px; margin-top: -20px, bTable] IF I WAKE UP TOMORROW, WILL YOU STILL BE THERE? It wasn't a regular thing for her. Meyerson didn't consider herself (and certainly others didn't) significant in the big pond they called high school, never mind college. The large hazel eyes of the teenager scanned through the tumblr blog, the screen lacquered in violent, intrusive pinks that seemed to make them hurt more the longer she looked at it, her bushy brows crumpling in disapproval of the intense hues of fuschia,which did not go well with the woods used in the Library she was in. Whoever this gossip girl, or this"GG", as she apparently did not like being called sure did have an attachment to pink. Ironic, seeing as this girl was the bringer of bad news to many. Okay, Rach, back to business.

[/color] The brunette told herself, rubbing her eyelids with the smooth skin on her wrists. Archives. Perfect, just what she needed. Greeny irises travelled down through the list, stopping as she reached 2013. Apparently this gossip girl had been following people for years.

It baffled her really. How could you spend so much of your own time documenting others, knowing that you're releasing sensitive information that could possibly ruin relationships? Did they get a kick out of it? Were they one of those types who felt like their acts that were rightious? The brunette sighed, her forefinger doing a little dance above the mouse key before letting it fall on Summer 2013. July 2013 Click. It was a month ago since her last conceited post. But somehow, it didnt seem like all the things happening in that post still were being done. Strawberry pink coloured nails tapped expectantly onto the desk in front of her, waiting for the white spaces on the page to become images and advertisments. She just had to know! The anonymous text message to check the site and what it had to say about Jesse seemed to have latched onto her mind, curiousity taunting her, telling her to look, while her conscience stood by, attemtping to stick to the morals her parents helped to create.

What the hell.

It wasn't too long until she got onto the page. Ping. Her phone went off again, vibrating in her pocket simultaneously. Rachel scrambled for the device in the pocket of the handbag her parents bought her the day she left home, shuffling through the sea of tissues, receipts and make up items. No wonder her friends called it the abyss. The cool, smooth feel of the metal casing on her fingers indicated that she was close to her cell, and she pulled it out soon after, tapping the home key to check what it was exactly.

A text.

Anonymous.

"Well aren't you an obedient little girl, Rachel Meyerson? I knew you'd end up going on to read about your darling of a boyfriend, Jesse."

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The girl froze up, looking left and right. How did this person know? Was she being watched? Little noise but the sound of pages being flipped was being created too, which only made her behavior stick out like a sore thumb. Her eyes returned to her phone, fingers moving slowly, rigidly towards the keyes as she attempted to reply back.

Another one.

"Ah ah ah! Don't you sass me, Rach. I've got some juicy gossip for you, you see. Well, I'm not sure if you'll appreciate it as much as I do. Just click on my last post of July, honey."

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Confused and worried, she attempted to swallow the lump in her throat, before the teenager tapped onto the newest post, shoving her phone into her bag. Welcome to Paradise... Wasnt it such a dark opening? The girl had to be crazy and extremely jilted to do this. She scanned through the beginning, not sure of who these Erin or Imogen girls were. But then came that fateful moment. Jesse's name, enblazoned in bold, accusative font. Another girls next to it. Extracurricular activity. And even though they had been together so long, everything this gossip girl said seemed to be true, so she couldnt stop her brain from adding two and two together. It made so much sense. She felt numb, her eyes unfocused as they welled up. How could you do something like this to the girl you loved? The one you used to hold tight in sophomore year, talking about how bright your future together was going to be? Her bottom lip quivered as she found the mouse of the computer, her grip on the plastic device weak.

X. Click. The browser page shrunk and disappeared, along with the maliciously pink site that somehow did this to her. Why wasn't it that easy to get rid of the things that upset you? Annoyed you? The same impatient fingernails ran through the nineteen year old's dark tresses to stop her hair from falling onto her face. Head down. She couldn't bring herself to look at any of the people inside. It would have ony have made Rachel feel worse.

Did all of these people know what was going on already? She could imagine what they were thinking. Idiot. She's just another stupid, pampered Jewish princess. Wake up, Cinderella. Why would he go for your prude-ass anyway? Her friends, even the ones who didn't follow the site, didn't they know? All this time, they could have warned her, told her about him. So why didn't they? Was I your entertainment, Bethany? Taylor?[/color] the brunette asked rhetorically as she planned to run out of the library, headed for her dorm. Don't cry, Rachel. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Don't panic Rach.[/color] She told herself as her finger pushed down on the power button of the Sony VAIO she had brought with her, stuffing it clumsily into her computer bag.

It wasn't her priority.

How didn't she know she wasn't the only one he was seeing? Clumsy feet ran towards her dorm, her hand pinning her laptop down. Jesse had been distant recently, and she felt like she didn't take priority anymore. At first, she had thought it was because that he was moving up, becoming a member of the rat pack and everything. But the distance grew between them in popularity, and their relationship slowly dissolved, painfully on her end. The brown eyes that she thought were only on her were always drifting, focusing more on the girls who were prettier than her, sluttier and freer than she was. And it only lowered her esteem even more. It felt like she was choosing between her boyfriend and her religion, which she had lived everyday of her life by since she came out of her mother's womb. Perhaps the rat pack had changed him from the boy she met in freshman year, the boy she fell so deep in love with. She stopped in front of her dorm, catching her breath, only to be greeted by a couple making out in front of a neighbouring door, giggling, enjoying themselves, being happy. Far from what she was. The crystalline tears rolled down her cheeks as the dark haired girl opened the door, slamming it shut behind her. It was horrid, feeling stupid. Knowing someone took advantage her trusting nature. Her knees grew weak under her, and the teenager slumped down, crying her little heart out. Broken.

Jesse was set to come around later - they had arranged to watch a movie together on her laptop and cuddle for a while - the usual. She knew he wanted to do more, and heck, there were moments where she did too. But she couldn't. They weren't married. And before that day, Rachel Meyerson could say hand on heart that she was sure that they'd get married some day, live together, with him as a journalist and her as a stay at home momma if they did get married during college, in their home with a white picket fence. Her childish mind had dreamed up an idyllic life with him, oblivious of what was going on. The more she thought of it, the higher the flow of her tears.

Didn't this girl feel ashamed, or anything? Kathy, or whatever it was? Rachel wrapped her arms around her knees. She only had herself to turn to. The girl probably didn't even know that they were together - Jesse was always really good at pretending that their relationship didn't exist. Rachel was unfortunately not the popular type that the rat pack kids would have liked, so it was only natural that her boyfriend pretended they weren't together. Right? She knew it wasn't. But it was better for her than not having him at all. The relationship was all she really had. Her friends were never friends - she knew this from day one, but tried not to think negatively. Rachel didn't just have a childish "crush" on him, after all. She was completely enamoured with him, loved him for his good features, bad features, taking him for who he was.

Maybe that was why being cheated on hurt her so much. Even though there was officially no proof.

The ambience was cool, still, and very alone until a knock at the door ripped through it. Rachel looked up, grimacing. What if it was him? What if he ended up saying something horrible? Would he fess up to all that happened? Who knew. But she knew things wouldn't change unless she opened the door. Getting up to her knees slowly, like a human Bambi, she got up and opened the door, knowing who was at the other side of it.

There he was. That roguish smile, the dark hair, that voice that made her weak at the knees. Yet he was so different from the man she met 4 years ago. Only lord knew where that man was now. But for some reason, she still got that flutter in her stomach.

"How... could you..."[/color] She began as the door swung opened, stumbling over her own words, choking back tears. Rachel swept the rather distressed looking strands of hair from her face, to make sure she could see him, his reaction. Maybe he cared more than she thought? Maybe she was just another plaything that got boring, so was placed on the shelf. "I thought... I thought that you loved me, Jesse..."

It wasn't working - she didn't have the emotional strength to stop the flood of feelings that poured out with ever tear drop that fell down her face. Her mascara ran, staining her porcelain skin with dark streaks. "And yet, you went and cheated on me!" Each word brought the reality closer to her heart, breaking it down more and more. Now red and hazel eyes travelled up and down the length of his body, trying to comprehend his body language. "You went out and cheated on me with some girl... and I just don't know how to feel about you anymore, Jess," the teenager replied, trying to calm herself down with deep breaths.

Nothing. Why wasn't he reacting!? Apologising profusely, saying he'd change? WHY NOT? It frustrated her, the blue emotions heating up, turning a fire red. She had done so much for him. Her high school days were dedicated to him, almost - she threw people away who could have potentially made her school days less lonely and uneventful without Jesse, or those who didn't like him for her to be with him more. He was the only one who really accepted her, attempted to listen to her problems back then. Did he not realise how much he meant to her? Delicate, feminine fingers curled up into a fist.

But as soon as she raised it, she realised she couldn't. He was part of her. Rachel literally had no-one else to turn to but him. He was too important to do something wreckless like that to.

Her hand landed on his chest lightly, the tears streaming down at an even faster rate. Rachel let her hair fall in front of her face. It was tough, letting him see her like that.

"Was... was I... not good enough... for you?"
[/div]

WORDS: 2021, TAGS: jesse/kam NOTES: omg word count

TEMPLATE BY CREEPY DOLL @ CAUTION

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[Jesse-James Vincent Trovatelli]

FUCK! It Was the only word that Jesse could use to describe how he was feeling right now. He had heard from a girl who he copied off of in his math class that his name was in the gossip girl's blog of exposed secrets. He was so nervous, that he was practically sweating. He kept looking at the clock to see if it was even close for class to be over, his leg quickly moved up and down while he chewed violently on the top of his pen. Why would his name even be in that stupid blog anyways?

He didn't have any secrets, well not any huge ones. He had been pretty well behaved lately, and this was surprising even to himself. Lately he had just been hanging out with the rat pack, and then trying to keep his boring relationship with Rachel Meyerson a secret. But he was at least semi attentive to her, they went shopping together, the beach, other cute shit. Of course he would hide and deny it if any of the rat pack saw him with her. Always making up some wild story on who she was. He used the excuse that she was just his 'cousin' or something of that nature. But that was pretty much the most secretive thing happening in his life right at this moment. Maybe someone found out that they were actually dating and it had gotten to this mysterious, life ruining person who calls them-self, 'S'.

These thoughts were running through Jesse's head at light speed. He was so worried that his olive colored face was turning a ghostly white. What if it was about him and Rachel? What if the guys from the rat pack saw this gossip girl post and are plotting to kick him out because he's with such a unpopular loser. After all a popular kid dating an unpopular girl, that was just going against nature. Even though he loved her, he loved his reputation just as much which is why he was continuing to hide her.

The tan brunette boy looked up at the clock again, good only two more minuets till class gets out, he could just leave now right? He got up so fast, he thought he was going to puke. He was dizzy and scatterbrained at the moment. He ran out of there so fast that the teacher couldn't even get a word in to tell him to sit back down and wait like everyone else. He stumbled down the hall and his walk started turning into a run as he bolted out of the building and was making his way to his car. As he got closer he fumbled through he pockets to grab his keys,with shaky hands he pressed the unlock button and opened the door. He threw his school stuff in the back seat and quickly started the car. He sped out of the parking lot and headed to his dorm. He needed to read what was said on that god forsaken blog about him before he could do anything. Then he just remembered he had made plans with Rachel today. Fuck! There was that word again. It was the perfect word describe all these dreadful feelings he was having.

He finally reached his dorm and pulled around into the back parking lot, to only find that there was no parking. God dammit, things were just not going his way. He flipped a bitch and ended up parking his dinky little Prius on the street. He fumbled out of his car, completely forgetting to lock it. He ran up the stairs and yet again his shaky hands took out his keys so he could open the door. He nearly fell into his form and rushed around to his lap top. He sat down on the couch and opened it then pressed the little on button. "C'mon, C'mon...." He said as he jiggled his leg up and down. Finally, the stupid computer loaded and when to the home screen, he quickly clicked the Internet explorer icon then typed in the web address he had received earlier. He scrolled down through the different dates, damn this bitch had been at this blog for years. Who really has the time to stalk people all day everyday? Whoever this 'S' person was seemed like a fucking psycho path and should be arrested. His heart jumped when he saw the summer of 2013. He quickly clicked on it and found the most recent post. He scammed through it, seeing random bullshit about people he didn't care about. Then, there is was...his name in bold pink lettering. He read through the paragraph and his heart dropped once he was done. He leaned back. "What the fuck?" He said out loud as his eyes were still fixed on the screen that glowed pink. They said he had been cheating on Rachel with Kathy. This was bad, really bad.

First off, he hadn't touched Kathy in over two years. He had only ran into her a couple times since he had moved to San Fran, sure they flirted a bit but he didn't sleep with her. That was all in the past, when he was just a eager teenager. He was bummed because both of these girls were mentioned in this post. So if any of the guys were reading this they might question about who Rachel was, or maybe he was just over thinking things. Would they really care that he was supposedly two-timing? Maybe not, hopefully not. He couldn't bare to lose his spot in the rat pack, he did not want to be a nobody again. Then there was the worry that what if Rachel had seen this post full of lies, would she believe it? How exactly would he handle this? Would he have to confess about the past to save their future? He was so seriously fucked. And he had to go see Rachel today, he took a deep breath and decided that when he went over there he would act like everything was fine and hopefully she had no idea about the gossip girls bullshit. Who knows she might not even believe it if she did read it. She did think very highly of him. He was finally able to calm himself down.

He then got up and headed back down to his car and got back in his car, started it up and did the short drive to the other dorm building. He calmly walked up to her dorm and walked in without knocking. Oh no, she started crying already. Fuck, fuck, fuck...she read it. He didn't know how to react so he just kind of let her rant and yell at him. He didn't know what else to do so he decided to play it stupid. "Rachel, baby...what are you talking about?" He asked as he opened up his arms to her, hoping she would just fall into his arms again. "You know you have always been enough for me." He said with sad eyes. Of course he was lying through his teeth like always but he was extremely good at it and had been lying to Rachel for years.

[Rachel M. Meyerson]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, height: 30px; background-color: #B28260; width: 425px; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #F2F2F2; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: center, bTable]yeah, you got me begging, begging baby please don't go

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #F2F2F2; width: 427px; margin-top: -20px, bTable] IF I WAKE UP TOMORROW, WILL YOU STILL BE THERE? Hazel eyes shone under their tears, pure tears, fell down. It was crazy to think that someone that you trusted for so long could have been doing something like this to you. Lying through their pearly white smiles, watching with glee with all the freedom in the world to continue his games with Debauchery. Four years. She bit her lip to keep it from quivering, keeping her eyes away from that chocolate brown of his that had a hold of her, made those stupid butterflies come back. Dainty, cut nails ran through her long, chestnut brown hair, dull trom the lack of attention she had been paying it after recent events with the mysterious texts, pushing them away from her eyes, the whites of which had transformed into a frustrated pink, irritated by the constant wiping away that her hand had been doing, along with the contamination of the new mascara she had bought, in an effort to look good for him. Because thats what girls like Rachel did. They changed to stay clinging onto those they love. Because in her case especially, there wasn't anyone else to turn to. Imogen was in hospital. Heck, she was probably doing worse, having a disease most wouldn't associate with her youthful age, (wip soz) WORDS: 2021, TAGS: jesse/kam NOTES: omg word count TEMPLATE BY CREEPY DOLL @ CAUTION