Post by zachariah robyn sparks on Nov 6, 2013 4:49:54 GMT -8
i almost got sent back to the hospital last night. psychiatrist wasn't happy with the fact the voices are still there telling me to harm/kill myself/other people. i was | | THAT CLOSE to being sent back. it scared the shit out of me. i'm still scared. why, you may ask?
because in the next week or two, i'm going to get blood work done to check my lithium levels. why is this a problem? because i was a fucking bitch and cut up my arms. approximately about 90+ cuts. and guess where blood work gets done? that's right. the arm. in one word: fuck.
so... this is a "just in case" sort of thing. once they see my arms they're probably going to want to lock me up fucking AGAIN because that TOTALLY HELPS being CAGED LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL. -twitch-
if i suddenly disappear, i'm probably in the hospital. i'm praying it would just be the psych ward and they don't send me off to trenton again. it's a state psychiatric facility aka hell. to quote this article, "it's a zoo.' the food was shit, upon arrival the first thing i saw was someone getting put in restraints in the quiet room, and assistants (THEY'RE NOT EVEN NURSES) just sat there on their fat asses (most of them were fat, black people (no i'm not racist i'm just saying)) playing on their cell phones or watching tv. they left one patient just laying on the cold, dirty floor. why? well this one guy's reason was it "wasn't his job" to get him up off the floor and into his bed. keep in mind this was a little old man, a vietnam vet i believe, with severe ptsd and sometimes he just wasn't all there, ya know? it was disgusting. i tried to get him up but i couldn't do anything. my friend had to pull me away from the shitty assistant because i was yelling at him and i swear to god i was going to hit him. on another day some guy was throwing chairs around. everyday there was almost always a fight of some sort. i could hear on the announcements that there was constantly a patient escaping or getting hurt or just going crazy. it was... it was a nightmare.
so yeah. i might suddenly disappear. i'll try to get word to dia if i'm being put in the hospital, but either my mom or the nurse usually takes me phone before i have a chance to text anyone. love you guys. pray i don't end up in the nut house again. <3
because in the next week or two, i'm going to get blood work done to check my lithium levels. why is this a problem? because i was a fucking bitch and cut up my arms. approximately about 90+ cuts. and guess where blood work gets done? that's right. the arm. in one word: fuck.
so... this is a "just in case" sort of thing. once they see my arms they're probably going to want to lock me up fucking AGAIN because that TOTALLY HELPS being CAGED LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL. -twitch-
if i suddenly disappear, i'm probably in the hospital. i'm praying it would just be the psych ward and they don't send me off to trenton again. it's a state psychiatric facility aka hell. to quote this article, "it's a zoo.' the food was shit, upon arrival the first thing i saw was someone getting put in restraints in the quiet room, and assistants (THEY'RE NOT EVEN NURSES) just sat there on their fat asses (most of them were fat, black people (no i'm not racist i'm just saying)) playing on their cell phones or watching tv. they left one patient just laying on the cold, dirty floor. why? well this one guy's reason was it "wasn't his job" to get him up off the floor and into his bed. keep in mind this was a little old man, a vietnam vet i believe, with severe ptsd and sometimes he just wasn't all there, ya know? it was disgusting. i tried to get him up but i couldn't do anything. my friend had to pull me away from the shitty assistant because i was yelling at him and i swear to god i was going to hit him. on another day some guy was throwing chairs around. everyday there was almost always a fight of some sort. i could hear on the announcements that there was constantly a patient escaping or getting hurt or just going crazy. it was... it was a nightmare.
so yeah. i might suddenly disappear. i'll try to get word to dia if i'm being put in the hospital, but either my mom or the nurse usually takes me phone before i have a chance to text anyone. love you guys. pray i don't end up in the nut house again. <3